6/24/2011

Pet Scan

It has really been a long day today....I've been pretty nervy the past two weeks awaiting what was next for me. I had a kidney test done last week, then I finally got my Pet Scan set up for this morning. And if I wouldn't have called and chewed the MA out it probably would of never gotten set up because they are the biggest idiots over there and do a lot of assuming!

I got up @7 a.m. this morning and couldn't eat but had to drink 24 ounces of water then I headed up to Utah Valley Hospital. They got me all checked in and took my blood, which BTW as permanent needle holes because I have horrible veins and I've finally found one that works like a charm. They took me back and I put all my stuff away into a locker and changed into some scrub pants, and a gown. They took me into a small room and went over the procedure with me. We went over my medical history and they he (Kevin) put a needle and threaded a tube into my arm and ran saline in through it, then he went into the other room and came back with the magic silver vile that they always hold the radiation in, and he injected it into my veins.

Kevin then took me into a dark room with a recliner and no T.V. or magazines to read and told me that I needed to sit in there for 40-60 minutes and relax while I drank 24 ounces of glucose drink mixed with my choice of Diet Soda, or Crystal light. (They like you to have as little amount of brain activity as possible)

He got me a warm blanket and told me to try to drink it as fast as I possibly could. I opted for the Crystal light, it was horrible! You think that pregnancy drink is bad???? This was way worst and 3x the amount, and the after taste....sicknast!

So I sat there trying not to get worked up about things. When I was in the other room going over the procedure he told me that they were mainly looking for suspicious tumors in my body. Which immediately lead my thoughts to my dear sweet Grandma Gamble who had a tumor in her face and passed away almost 2 years ago after fighting it for quite some time. She was an amazing lady and I could honestly just feel her sitting by my side in that room. I can honestly tell you things are coming true that are said in my patriartricle blessing. It is really interesting to see it unravel before my eyes. I too thought of the hospital and how peaceful and calm I feel as I do in the temple. It's weird to say but it really helped to calm my nerves today. I felt calm and oh so peaceful as I waited in that room. That's as far as I will go with that!

Kevin came back in and got me after an hour and took me into another room. (I was so glad I wore flip flops...I've got this thing down, when i got my MRI I had to walk down the hallway with no shoes/socks on.) He took me into the room and the machine looked kind of like the MRI machine but not as enclosed (thank goodness, I was already nauseous from the glucose drink)

I laid down on the machine and he strapped me into it so I wouldn't fall out because there are no sides. Once again went over the procedure and told me that I needed to move as little as possible in the next 45 minutes. I felt like I was getting ready to be launched off into a rocket! The machine would tell me to breath in, breath out and to stop breathing while it sucked me up into the tube and took pictures of the inside of my body, then when it sucked me back out it told me to breath again. It was hard to hold my breath like that. It did that 4 times, and then we started the test. It sucked me back in and started at my toes, and worked its way so slowly up my body that you don't even realize you are moving, clear up until they hit the top of your head.

It was an interesting procedure today, and since of course it is Friday I have to wait until next week to get any sort of results back. He told me to plan on next Wednesday or Thursday. I have not really been feeling myself and I'm trying my hardest just to have fun with my kids and live my life as normal as I possibly can. I had a really good time with my friend last night while I was at work, and I haven't laughed that hard in weeks.

Phil is busy with school, and work, and his church callings, but most of all he seems to find time for me and the kids. He is always so good to unload the dishwasher or take the garbage out, and that does wonders for me. Emma has been such a good little helper, she has changed Ezzy's diaper here and there in the morning and gotten him breakfast when I've been too tired to get up. Mornings are the hardest for me....Corbin has been a good little helper as well, always cleaning up when I ask him to. I've just been blessed with such good kiddos.

Going though this has really opened my eyes, and I've had more of a desire to be better....be a better mother, wife, friend, family member. To read my scriptures and study them more in depth, I've been on my knees a whole lot more, and I'm dying to make it to the temple. It is so emotionally draining to have to face your worst fears. I don't want a pity party because I'm seriously so blessed, in ways others could not imagine. Everything happens for a reason, and there are worst things I could be going through right now, and in no way would I ever trade my life or my problems in my life for someone elses. Whatever happens next week is how it should be. It is was it is..........

6/13/2011

I'm so stinkin frustrated with my body right now! I don't understand why the heck I have to deal with all this crap. May 1st I had to go off my medication and go on a low iodine diet. This was supposed to be a 2 week deal, which has now turned into a 6 week to who knows when kind of deal. The middle of May I had a TSH test done to test my thyroid level and I was at a 17 where they thought I'd be down to a 30. (A normal level is 0.5-4.0) but since I don't have a thyroid and I take thyroid medication to level that out I'm supposed to be at that 30 level. So anyways they had me wait another 2 weeks to have my full body scan. Which was so frustrating, then I find out I have to have radiation on top of that and be away from my family for 48 hours. So that has come and gone and we dealt with it.

So last Monday I wait and I wait (because they said they would call me 1st thing in the morning and DID not, even after I call them and have to leave a message because they never let me just talk to a MA) Finaly at 2:30 the PA calls me and lets me know that my scan came back clear. And that I needed to go do another TSH test. She also told me that I could go back on my meds and go back to eating normal.

So Hooray...right...for 5 freaking minutes! I start taking my meds again, and get me a yummy Cafe Rio Salad and of course get the blood test done. I go back to work and try to make everything as normal as possible, even though I still don't feel super great.

Then today I get a phone call, expect eh unexpected right? That's what I've come to conclude in my life. My test came back unusually high and the doctors don't really know where to go from here.

So of course they can't give me any answers until I go in and have some more test done. So tomorrow I have to go have my kidneys tested and make sure they are function right. Then sometime next week I have to go have a Pet Scan done and go off my medication and back on the Low Iodine diet once again!

So pretty much a Pet Scan is like my full body scan, but I'll be given radiation intravenously and it will show more that a full body scan. I will have to drink glucose and I guess the glucose makes the cancer cells highly metabolic. The information will locate the abnormal levels in my whole body to pinpoint the source of cancer and detect weather or not the cancer is isolated to one specific area or has spread to other areas, they will also be looking for tumors. The test will take anywhere to 2 to 4 hours.

I am so frustrated right now! I feel like I get good news for 5 seconds then I'm trampled over with bad news! It's hard to be positive when I have 3 little kids to take care of, a household to manage, a job, provide support to my husband who is in school full time and working when he can, bills I can barely pay.....why???? Why do I have to deal with this right now? I was 9 years old when my mother passed away from Breast Cancer, 9 years old...my oldest is 6 if something happened to me she wouldn't even remember me. It's not fair that I have so little memories of my mother and I cherish them dearly. But a lot of those memories are of her being sick and laying on the couch, and I never really understood when I was little, and now that I'm older and going through this I do understand. I hate when my kids ask me, "mom are you sick today", "mom when are you going to get better." They just want to play with me and when I have energy I feel like I'm catching up on the laundry, doing dishes, but I have been spending a lot more time with them. I'm just going to have to put my trust in God that he will spare my life and let me grow old with my husband, let me see my babies grow up, let me live my life to the fullest, let me have a full head of grey hair, let me see my grand babies. That's all I ask, I want to be around for a long time and I'm going to fight this.....whatever this is!

4/7/2011

I'm thankful for my health. Slowly but surely I am starting to feel somewhat like a normal person. The day's where I can't get out of bed have just about disappeared, and I no longer feel like I'm in such a funk. I've started to enjoy my hobbies again, I feel like I can keep up on stuff again, and I'm starting to feel happy again for the first time in almost a year.

1/31/2011

My nerves last night about got the best of me! I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep for the life of me! I tossed and turned worried about what if this? What if that? This morning we headed into the cancer clinic around 830...I filled out a pile of paperwork...changed into some clothes and took everything off that had any sort of metal in it. They started a IV drew some blood, gave me a pep talk and sent me on my way.

I walked down a dark hallway and into this cold room with a very large machine, and honestly thought, "will I really fit in there!" They strapped me in and told me to lay still for 45 minutes. Oh and don't forget some earplugs its really noisy in there. Bet you can't guess what I was doing? If you guessed MRI you are right! The nurse told me to have a nice nap (like that was going to happen) They sucked me into the large tube and off I went...I tried so hard not to move, cause there was no way they were going to start over. My ears are still ringing from all the buzzing, and odd sounds that machine makes.

They brought me out and gave me some more meds in my IV that put a pigment dye through my blood so anything would stand out in the pictures they were taking...weird cold sensation. He said only 5 more minutes but I'm telling up I counted to 60 12 times....that was a really long 5 minutes.

Whew I survived and they say well have a nice day. What no results, you've gotta be kidding me...I have to wait a whole stinkin week....

My husband graciously treated me to a Cafe Rio Salad, it was oh so tasty.

We got home, and he left for work, and I visited with my sister for awhile. We decided to go for a ride when the girls got off the bus. We loaded the kids in the van and I started backing up...my phone rang, anonymous number. I answered and the lady from Dr.Maturlo's office started talking to me about my test. My heart was pounding so fast, and my eyes started to swell up with tears...I didn't understand any of her mumbo jumbo doctor talk....after she got done, I asked her..."so do I still have Cancer or not?" and her reply was, "oh no you don't" it felt like a thousand bricks came falling off my body...I couldn't believe it...I think I was in shock the whole drive down the road...I dialed my husband who was so excited! I still have an appointment next Monday to get my meds adjusted, and each May for the rest of my life I guess I go back and do a full body PT scan and make sure the cancer doesn't come back.

Honestly I am so relieved, I feel so blessed right now. Heavenly Father has defiantly got my back. I have felt so much despair and loneliness the past 2 months. After many many talks with my husband and close friends I now feel oh so much better. I thought if I felt the worst about this I wouldn't be let down. Now I'm ashamed that I had such a bad attitude about it the last little while. i am so very grateful for all the prayers I have felt, for all the fasting, for everything everyone has done for me. I feel so very loved, and I hope to pay it forward someday. I am so very grateful for all of you who have stuck this out with me and my little family. Thank you so much.

Now I am really going to start taking better care of myself, so I can be around for a long long time!

6/10/2010

So yesterday I had a Follow up Visit with Dr.Riddle (the doctor who removed my thyroid) He said that things looked great on my scan and that it looked like the cancer was only in my neck....Hooray! That is awesome news for me! I still have to wait for my blood test the first week of July to find out more information on my Thyroid levels. One thing the Radiation did do was fry my salivary glands, and that is why I can not even taste Listerine. So he put me on a Medrol 6 day pack, has anyone had any expierence with one of these. He informed me I'd be a witch with a Capital B for the next week. He is so stinkin funny! So I apologize now for any behavior that may occur over the next week!

Thankful Thursday....5/27/2010

There is so much that I'm thankful for but here is what tops my list this week!

#1 That we all got to sleep under one roof on Tuesday. I slept so good knowing my kiddies where in the next room and that my husband was right beside me.

#2 My mother in law: She has helped me out so very much. Taken such good care of my kids, kept my laundry up better than I even do when I feel good,, and cleaned my house till it sparked yesterday.

#3 My sister in law made me this beautiful quilt. it is absolutely gorgeous, and it is so comfy to wrap up in and watch TV at night. I've never had my "own" blanket, I made the kids and Phil's fleece one's but never got around to make myself one. So sorry I'm not sharing....

#4 My aunt Laura and cousin Chris came up on Monday and scrubbed my room, and bathroom down so my family could move back in. Then we went to lunch and it was so much fun to get out of the house and socialize fro a minute!

#5 For all the wonderful people that have taken such good care of my children this week It so nice to know they are safe either at a friends house or one of my sister in laws home, or even playing with a neighbor. It has given me some good time to rest and relax so hopefully I can build up some energy so I can be a mom again!

#6 Again to all the wonderful notes, cards I've received in the mail, thoughts on my blog, phone calls, care packages. I just can't believe the kindness and generosity of people over the past few weeks! It brightens my day to know that there are still good people in this word. and that has been a good lesson to me. it is weird that going through something like this has really made me realize who the important people are in my life. i just appreciate everyone I really do!

5/23/2010 again....

Finally some good news!!!! Today I went to the Nuclear Department and sat 6 feet away from my husband on the way there, yet on the way home I got to ride right next to him and hold his hand! The tech had me hold a tape measure up to my neck and stood back 3 feet and held up this scanner thing. A minute later the tech said, "your good." I looked at him and said, "what does that mean?" he laughed and said I don't have to follow any restrictions anymore. "WHAT are you kidding me?" I am still in shock! I thought I'd be stuck in this room for another 3 days at the minimum! I guess that medication rocked my body and did its job. Not to mention the amount of water I was drinking trying to flush it out as quickly as possible! I am so so so happy right now, I honestly know this would not be possible without all the wonderful people out there who have prayed and fasted for me. Thank you, thank you all so very much! You have no idea how much it means to me, my family is everything to me! My kids/husband are the most important people in my life. I still won't know for a couple of months if it killed all the cancer, but I'm pretty dang confident that it got most if not all of it. It was so much fun going into my in laws house and surprising them and my kiddos! They all came up (very hesitantly, like I was going to break or something) and gave me lots of loves and kisses! Phil still took the kids up north so I could rest! I still have no thyroid left,a nd I can't start my medication until Tuesday. Hopefully it will give my body the jump start it needs so I can get back into mommy and wife mode! So that is that for now, thank you again everyone!!!!

5/23/2010

So here we are, the worst is over...When Phil gets home from church he is going to take me up to the hospital to be checked. Can I just tell you how excited I am to go for a car ride? Phil came in my room yesterday and couldn't believe how stuff it was. I for one didn't even notice, I have had a lot of emotions and feelings for the past few days. Thank you for the warning Laura or I would of thought that I was crazy. One second I'd be dying of heat, the next I'd be shivering under a pile of blankets. I am so excited to be able to eat whatever I want and not have to watch the iodine part, yea for a tall glass of milk. I am so hoping for a good level so I can hug my kids today before they head up to Salt Lake. I so miss my kiddos, they came and talked to me the rough hey window, they have been calling me to tell me what they have been up to. Yesterday my 1 1/2 year old had a rough day and Phil couldn't get him to stop crying. I was able to talk to him on the phone and Phil said he just snuggled up to the phone and wouldn't give it back. I sure do miss my sweet little family, I can't wait to spend some quality time with them!

5/20/2010

A little emotion today....last night I pack my kids for 10 days.
So I cried......
Then this morning I said goodbye to my husband as he left for work....
So I cried....
Oh how I'm not looking forward to this afternoon....I'm sure I'll cry the whole way to the hospital.
Seriously people cherish every moment you have with your spouse and your children.
Oh great I'm crying again....

Pain and Frustration

Written for me by sister....

Just Hold On

Kipha Suade

Hidden deep inside

Anger and agony

Gotta finish your life.

Just stay strong

please hold on

stand tall

Keep moving on

Came as a shock one day

Couldn't hear what the doctors would say

Love of your life and 3 babies

Just started living your dream

Just stay strong

Please hold on

Stand tall

Keep moving on

Family to keep in your arms

Protecting to keep you from harm

It will pass it will subside

Hold to the strength from up high

Just stay strong

Please hold on

Stand tall

Keep moving on

Keep moving on

5-18-2010

Just thought I'd do a really quick update. I've had a lot of phone calls this morning and I'm sorry that I haven't answered them. I am so exhausted today, mostly due to my little 1 1/2 year old who decided to be up all night the past 2 nights. I do think he probably feels my stress and knows that something is up. So yesterday I had my full body scan. I had to lay their for a hour and not move. The machine slowly went up my entire body and took pictures. You could hardly see it even moving. Today the doctors office called and said that their is a lot of cancer in my neck area so they are going to give me a pretty big dose of Radiation. I think she said 120 mg...but I'm not sure. They said hopefully they can get all of it, if not I'll have to do this all over again in 6 months. But who knows right, since every doctor I see seems to have their own opinion. So I will finally start my treatment Thursday which is only 2 days away but seems like forever, that I am just glad they could get me in.

5/14/2010

Seriously what a waste of an afternoon.....I feel like all I do is drive up to Utah Valley Hospital pay a stinkin $50 copay each time and sit around and wait forever! Plus I'm sick of being told one thing by one doctor who then refers me to another doctor just to tell me something different today. Well last week they told me I would be having my scan today, then start my isolation on Monday. Today I go in, Phil takes of half the day off of work to go with me and all they do is give me a tiny little blue pill and says see ya Monday. Oh by the way I waited in the waiting room for 35 minutes for that stupid little pill. I'm like hey wait a minute, I thought you were doing my scan today that's what my doctor told me. The technician looks at me and says "well your in my world now." We give you a low dose of radiation today, then in three days you come back to get a full body scan to see exactly where the cancer is and how much of a dose of radiation to give you. Then Tuesday the doctor will be in to look at your scan. Then you will have to come up again and have your dose on Wednesday or Thursday. I am happy that I won't miss preschool graduation or my little guys birthday. But it is annoying when you are a planner like myself and have every little detail figured out, especially when you are working with a husband who has work, and three little kids that will have to go to different babysitters each day. It wouldn't be so bothersome either if I got told the same thing everywhere I went but instead I get told one thing here, then one thing there it is enough to drive a person crazy! Even my husband isn't impressed, I do feel blessed to have such wonderful doctors, Dr.Maturlo is my Cancer specialist, and I hear she is one of the best. Sorry to vent but I just had to get that out of my system. It won't be hard to rearrange things, people have been so kind and I have actually been overwhelmed by the amount of people so willing to help me out.

5-10-2010

So here we go, they got my blood test back and game me a call today. They want me to go in and get my scan on Friday, then on Monday they are going to draw my blood and make sure that everything is okay, and they will begin my treatment up at Utah Valley Hospital at 4 o'clock. I can't believe it is all happening so fast. But I guess that is the sooner they get the canncer out of my body. I had a little meltdown this morning because my son's birthday is on Tuesday, as well as my two kids preschool graduation! My dear sweet husband is going to take the day off and take them to graduation and make sure my son has a wonderful birthday. Oh and I'm so excited to stop my diet soon, I am in NO way a dieter, I just love food so much! the worst part is you have to make everything from scratch and you can't have hardly ANY dairy! I just love my milk, cheese and icecream so much! Everything that I cook with or use has stinkin sodium in it and I have no idea if the processed foods use iodized or non-iodized salt. My sweet neighbor has been making me bread so I had still have some yummy food and not get all fruit/vegged out!

Well I hope I can say I'm cancer free in a couple of weeks...I just don't know, I am worried about my lymph nodes but we will burn that bridge when we get there.

5-6-2010

I know my blog is so boring and depressing, but I feel like it is important to keep a journal of what is going on. I am so blessed to have my mothers journal from when she underwent Breast Cancer therapy. It makes what I'm going through seem like nothing. It's important to keep a life history especially since my mother passed away when I was nine years old. I can't just call her up and ask her, hey did you have to do this, or why do you think I have to deal with this? The crazy thing is all my life I've always known I would get cancer. My mother first started having some problems in 1985 she was only 23 or 24 years old. She went into have it checked out and her doctor said, "don't worry your too young to have cancer." So she went on with her life. In November of 1986 she wasn't feeling too great. She had a lot of pain in her chest and arms, then in December of that year she felt a lump in her breast. In February my dad pretty much dragged my mom into a doctors office. It is interesting to read, "during this time I had a reoccurring dream that I would be in the hospital really sick. I was really scared." The next week she says to my dad, "why does it have to be cancer, I'd rather have a heart problem, diabetes, anything but cancer. After all not very many people I had known had survived cancer." That is frighting to read, yet it has helped me get through this, its like my mom is hear sitting next to me as I go through this.

So anyways Phil and I were able to visit with a Endrocronolist today. She answered all of Phil's and my questions. So now we kind of know where to go from here. The only thing that stinks is that I thought I had more time on my hands to prepare myself and my family. But I don't, I have to start a low iodine diet, today they dream my blood to check my calcium levels, and my thyroid levels. So tomorrow I'll officially know when my treatment starts. So what they will do next week or the week after is a scan of my entire body (kind of like a MRI) to see how much of a radioactive dose to give me. Then when my thyroid levels are where they want them to be I will start the radioactive treatment. The other doctor told me that is was 24-48 hours in isolation, but NO it could be up to 10 DAYS! I don't know what I'm going to do, my kids are going to freak, especially my little 1 1/2 year old! Phil is going to turn our bedroom into a little studio apartment, and move a little microwave and the little refrigerator in so I don't have to clean so much after the treatment. Phil will be able to come in for 20 minutes a day but he has to keep a distance of 6 feet.

I have a cousin who underwent thyroid cancer as well so she have been a valuable source of information, and a sweetheart to help me get though this. She said by the time she had here treatment she slept most of the time especially since I won't be able to start my medication again until the 5Th day of treatment.

On the 3rd or 4Th day I will go to the hospital and they will scan me with a little hand held device that will read the radiation level in my body. From there they will know how long I actually have to be in isolation.

So I guess there are different types of Thyroid Cancer, they are a little concerned because a couple of the lymph nodes they biopsied have cancer in them. So hopefully when they do the scan they will find that it hasn't spread to other parts of my body. That's a lot to take in for one day, but I know that the Lord is watching over me and my family. I actually feel really blessed, I know my mother has been around a lot checking up on me. So we will just go from here.