6/13/2011

I'm so stinkin frustrated with my body right now! I don't understand why the heck I have to deal with all this crap. May 1st I had to go off my medication and go on a low iodine diet. This was supposed to be a 2 week deal, which has now turned into a 6 week to who knows when kind of deal. The middle of May I had a TSH test done to test my thyroid level and I was at a 17 where they thought I'd be down to a 30. (A normal level is 0.5-4.0) but since I don't have a thyroid and I take thyroid medication to level that out I'm supposed to be at that 30 level. So anyways they had me wait another 2 weeks to have my full body scan. Which was so frustrating, then I find out I have to have radiation on top of that and be away from my family for 48 hours. So that has come and gone and we dealt with it.

So last Monday I wait and I wait (because they said they would call me 1st thing in the morning and DID not, even after I call them and have to leave a message because they never let me just talk to a MA) Finaly at 2:30 the PA calls me and lets me know that my scan came back clear. And that I needed to go do another TSH test. She also told me that I could go back on my meds and go back to eating normal.

So Hooray...right...for 5 freaking minutes! I start taking my meds again, and get me a yummy Cafe Rio Salad and of course get the blood test done. I go back to work and try to make everything as normal as possible, even though I still don't feel super great.

Then today I get a phone call, expect eh unexpected right? That's what I've come to conclude in my life. My test came back unusually high and the doctors don't really know where to go from here.

So of course they can't give me any answers until I go in and have some more test done. So tomorrow I have to go have my kidneys tested and make sure they are function right. Then sometime next week I have to go have a Pet Scan done and go off my medication and back on the Low Iodine diet once again!

So pretty much a Pet Scan is like my full body scan, but I'll be given radiation intravenously and it will show more that a full body scan. I will have to drink glucose and I guess the glucose makes the cancer cells highly metabolic. The information will locate the abnormal levels in my whole body to pinpoint the source of cancer and detect weather or not the cancer is isolated to one specific area or has spread to other areas, they will also be looking for tumors. The test will take anywhere to 2 to 4 hours.

I am so frustrated right now! I feel like I get good news for 5 seconds then I'm trampled over with bad news! It's hard to be positive when I have 3 little kids to take care of, a household to manage, a job, provide support to my husband who is in school full time and working when he can, bills I can barely pay.....why???? Why do I have to deal with this right now? I was 9 years old when my mother passed away from Breast Cancer, 9 years old...my oldest is 6 if something happened to me she wouldn't even remember me. It's not fair that I have so little memories of my mother and I cherish them dearly. But a lot of those memories are of her being sick and laying on the couch, and I never really understood when I was little, and now that I'm older and going through this I do understand. I hate when my kids ask me, "mom are you sick today", "mom when are you going to get better." They just want to play with me and when I have energy I feel like I'm catching up on the laundry, doing dishes, but I have been spending a lot more time with them. I'm just going to have to put my trust in God that he will spare my life and let me grow old with my husband, let me see my babies grow up, let me live my life to the fullest, let me have a full head of grey hair, let me see my grand babies. That's all I ask, I want to be around for a long time and I'm going to fight this.....whatever this is!